i’m not very brave when it comes to sharing my hopes and aspirations and plans with the public.
I wish I were because i know that sharing fears and taking about hopes is helpful and half the fun of having plans. I always feel that if I share my hopes and plans and things don’t work out then I’ll be known as the girl who failed. or who flaked out on whatever it was that I was doing. This year, since I left my master’s in october has been all about transition, waiting, planning and waiting.
When mike and I moved to SK last spring for me to start my Master’s and to prepare for him to start his in the fall, I knew somehow that the choice that I was making, going into the lab that I did and working with the supervisor that I did, was wrong. It just didn’t feel right. I knew I didn’t want to teach in the school system again, but I didn’t know what I wanted to do. I like going to school, I like the idea of being an academic so I figured why not.
Alot of my life has been like this: I don’t know what I want to do, but I don’t know if I don’t want to do that, so ‘why not’?
The only thing that i ever truly wanted to do and could see myself ‘doing’ for the rest of my life was being a doctor.
I have always been CERTAIN that I was not smart enough to do that. I failed chemistry in the second half of first year. and got a d in physics. I held a solid B+ average for 3 years. Pre-meds don’t have solid B+ averages. I wasn’t good enough. I wasn’t hardcore enough. I was surely meant to do something else. I just had to accept that an figure out what it was that I was ‘supposed’ to do, if it wasn’t medicine.
As the summer started and I felt progressively more icky about my situation with my supervisor. I did some secret things, “just to see” what might happen. I wrote a letter to the College of Medicine in Saskatoon requesting special permission to apply (this is because of B.Ed program not being a ‘full’ academic program because of the internship according to their criteria, you have to have been in a full academic program for 2 years to use your grades for admission. it’s not a big deal they were fine with it. anyway.)
Then I spent alot of money and signed up to write the MCAT.
and I did really well. like scary really well for the first time writing it. especially since i hadn’t taken basic chemistry and physics in over 8 years.
so i applied to the college of medicine in october, ‘just to see’, and waited.
In april, I got an email for an interview for March 15th. On March 15th, I had my ‘interview’ (it’s the new multiple mini interview process that you can read about here if you are interested).
I had fun in the interview. I actually had alot of fun, in a weird twisted gut nerve wracking way.
and I waited.
And yesterday I got a letter offering me a seat in the incoming class for August 2008.
I’m going to medical school. I’m going to be Dr. Ziola.